On the podcast this season, we’ve been talking a lot about making changes and alterations in our lives to meet our basic needs. To meet our needs outside of the basics and grow from there with awareness, intention, and a whole lotta power and autonomy.
Makes me think of when I was little and used to tell my parent’s ”You’re not the boss of me! I am!” And while I spent some years handing over that power which I sing about in my one woman show Me Party #ilovemylife I am once again the boss of me.
And the reason I can say that with confidence, the reason I was able to get to this place at all, was getting really freaking crystal clear in who I am and who I am not and what defines me as a person distinct yet related to the choices I make.
As the world continues to open up and I feel increasingly more comfortable to move into it (we are all on our own timelines in that regard) I am LOVING seeing people I haven’t seen in…years. I keep finding myself saying “How are you? Wait, what I really mean is, WHO are you?”
So much has changed and evolved and broken and grown over these years that I certainly don’t feel like the same person anymore. And maybe this person I once knew so well feels the same way. Maybe there is something new about them I don’t know. Or maybe, things have changed behaviorally and perspectively (is that a word? It is now!) yet at their core, they are still the person I knew and know.
Something you may not know about me is that in addition to my dance performance and choreography major at Skidmore College, I was also a Spanish Language & Literature major. Yes, I took entire courses on 19th century Spanish literature and South American poetry of the 30s and 40s all in Spanish. The classes were taught in Spanish, the discussions were in Spanish, my papers and exams were all in Espanol (there should be a tilde over the “n” but I don’t know how to make that happen!).
I know what you’re thinking ¿De veras? Really?! Si. Yes.
Now, I will be honest because that’s what I do. I didn’t go into college intending to be a Spanish major. I actually went to college as a dance and math double major. But it turns out that calculus was not one of my turn ons.
But I loved Spanish class. I actually started learning Spanish in Kindergarten. The school I went to had a teacher named Isabel who came on Wednesdays and we’d sing songs, learn days of the week, months of the year, fruits and vegetables, and eventually read books and have short conversations.
As a result, Spanish made sense to me. I guess I developed an ear for it. I think between that and the fact that I went to a preschool at our synagogue and we attended services regularly I was exposed to other languages, sounds, sentence structures, and alphabets from an early age. But that’s not what we are talking about today.
I took a Spanish class my first semester of College to get the requirement done. We needed two semesters of a foreign language and I figured I better ride the wave from high school and take both of them freshman year and be done! Except I really liked it. And I really love my professor. So I took another class Sophomore year and it was sort of the last language class. Meaning like conversational Spanish. Beyond this point they offered lit classes. So I took one with that same professor I really liked. And I kept going and ended up with a major.
Anyway, I love languages. I don’t speak French or Italian but find I can get around without problem because I can understand a lot from Spanish and ballet definitely helps with the French which honestly surprised me. I once took a yoga class in Paris which I thought was going to be in English and it definitely wasn’t, but my familiarity with the Sanskrit names for the yoga asanas or poses combined with my 35 years of ballet training made it a pretty seamless experience. Same when I took French spin class — minus the Sanskrit, !claro! That means “Clearly!” And the first ! should be upside down, but I also don’t know how to do that on here.
OK, this still isn’t about my taking dance classes in Hebrew in Tel Aviv or Yoga in Bosnia! This is actually about something very specific that I learned in Spanish early on, was totally confused by along with my classmates, figured out more clearly studying in Spain, and now as an adult have a deeper, truer, dare I say poetic understanding of.
If you’ve studied a foreign language you’ve probably had this similar realization. English makes very little sense. While we use one word to mean a bunch of different things, our sentence constructions and verb conjugations follow very few rules.
Conjugated verbs in Spanish are pretty straightforward. And once you learn the irregular verbs and what their rules are, you’re set. English is all over the place. Now, I did not go on to be language arts teacher, or Spanish teacher, or Spanish tutor. I use my Spanish to sing Shakira at karaoke and when I’m in Italy. But I am going to break down a distinction in Spanish that changes the meaning of things tremendously that we seem to skip over in English.
In English we have the verb to be.
I’m going to keep this simple because 1) I’m not a Spanish teacher and 2) maybe you took German! I don’t know!
Ok, so to be. To be or not to be! Sorry, I had to…
In Spanish the verb to be can be translated to both ser and estar. Both of these verbs mean to be but are used in different contexts.
I can say Estoy (the I conjugation of estar) mal meaning that I’m in a bad state currently. I’m not doing well. OR I can say Soy (the I conjugations of ser) mal meaning in this context using ser I am inherently bad. I’m a bad person with a bad temperament and bad intentions. I am bad. I’m not feeling bad. I am bad.
Or I can say Estoy feliz. Meaning I am happy right now. I’m in a positive state of mind and I feel happy. Or I can say Soy feliz which communicates that I am a happy person. That’s my temperament and I’m kind and I'm wired to be a positive patty.
And if you’re wondering, the answer is yes. I did play Patty Simcox in my high school’s production of Grease.
So is that clear? Both verbs mean to be. Yet one communicates current state of being and the other refers to a deeper, inherent state of being.
Are you starting to wonder how long the Spanish lesson is going to go on? And why we are even talking about all of this? As always, I promise there is a method to the madness so stick with me because it’s a good one.
Make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss part 2!