I’m almost 3 week postpartum and in a total time warp. I guess that’s life inside the vortex, right?
AND the thing I say most often is “I cannot believe how different this experience is.”
I talk about it with my therapist, who I have continued to meet with because I’m keeping my mental and emotional health at the top of the priority list. While I am not experiencing signs of PTSD or PPA right now, I am at a higher risk for the next couple of years so I’m not fucking around…
Still, this experience is so different (I’ll write more about this soon!) and yet so much the same. And endless cycle of diapers, feedings, sleeping, bathing (showers for me and sponge baths for baby whose belly button is still a little weird).
The monotony is both comforting and makes me feel slightly bonkers.
After being cleared by my OBGYN Jill (hi Jill! I love you!) we took a family drive to pick up Everett at school and I drove! I felt like I was 17 again hitting the open road. As we pulled out of our street I suggested we order food to go drive and pick up. I was high on the freedom of being outside the house and moving through the world!
And then we got home and I put my pjs back on and settled back into the vortex. It’s cozy here. Everything is soft; the clothes, timeframes, sounds, and smells.
I am loving it here in the vortex and dream of it always being this simple, straightforward, dependable, and I am also excited for the time I emerge from this sacred space. When I get to step into my new life. A life where I am finished bearing children and will raise them. And with each day, milestone, each season I get to claim another piece of my body, life, and self.
Until then, I’ll be in my uniform (see pic below) smelling the top of C’s head and changing both of our diapers.
Xo,
Alissa