I hope you had a joy filled holiday weekend and got a chance to download YOUR Self-Care Menu! I’m happy to report that I was NOT available for bs this holiday and was very available for honesty, fun, and some good laughs.
I had a great holiday despite a certain toddler who woke up 60-90 minutes earlier than usual making for one CRANKY mommy. My nausea medication doesn’t mix well with early mornings #secondpregnancy. Plus one, night E slept in our bed because we coughed so hard he puked in his, got it all in his hair, I had to shower with him, two shampoos still didn’t get the puke smell out of his hair (not great for super charged sense of smell and baseline nausea) and then he kept us up all night moving around. It was BOTH a nightmare AND a gd dream. The snuggle is REAL and the way he breathes and randomly whispered “paw patrol” to himself as he was falling asleep is still making laugh out loud.
Ok before we get to the powerhouse hidden between your legs, I also want to say I am hyper aware this year of how many emails I’m getting with sales and deals and the need to consume from every direction. Is it this intense every year? I can feel the need ramping up and I’m reminding myself to take a breath, close my eyes, and center myself before clicking purchase.
Should we start asking our vaginas what she thinks before clicking buy??? Let me know what you think in the comments below!
You may have noticed that I make a lot of jokes when talking about intimate, heavy, or taboo topics. That’s because that’s how I handle hard things and hard things are hard enough, I don’t need to add to the weight. Bringing some curiosity, exploration, and levity to the matter doesn’t negate the depth of our work. It gives us a little breathing room (see what I did there? I can’t stop talking about breathing!) to meet ourselves where we are and move through the experience.
Also because I tore my B hole giving birth to my son. And while it’s supportive for me to do kegels (focusing on the P hole as they are an important team member), I’m grateful that I knew how to isolate, focus, engage, release, and rehabilitate my B hole. And I want you to be empowered with knowledge the way that I was.
And the way things work currently in our healthcare system and social structures, we are so often misguided and under informed about our own damn bodies. And we deserve better. We are told to strengthen our pelvic floor no matter what concern it is we are addressing.
Painful sex? Kegels.
Urinary incontinence? Kegels.
Fecal incontinence (which can be poop or farts)? Kegels.
Kegels are the standard answer when more often than not we need to release tension, articulate muscles, and find movement. We need to find release and feel safe relaxing into our bodies. Into ourselves. We need this physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want you to use your breath in your daily life, your daily movements, and your daily practice.
We’ve discussed how this works on a physical level to engage and stretch these muscles. This also provides benefits on an emotional and psychological level. This is part of the reason that meditation and yoga have so many mental health and emotional benefits. Because the way you breathe reflects and informs the state of your nervous system which dictates how you are experiencing your body and the world around you.
When you are calm, cool, and collected, when you are resting and digesting, when your autonomic nervous system (which regulates the vital and involuntary systems in our bodies) is in a parasympathetic state, your heart rate is slow and steady, your breathing deep, your muscles relaxed, and everything works the way it was intended.
When you experience stress and/or trauma, when your brain and body get the message that you are unsafe, your autonomic nervous system fires up the fight or flight response. Your sympathetic nervous system is upregulated and the chain of command sends out more cortisol and adrenaline. Then your heart rate increases, your breath quickens, your pupils dilate, and your muscles tense like a loaded spring ready for action. You are now ready to outrun the real or perceived saber toothed tiger trying to eat you.
The sphincteric response of the pelvic floor which I mentioned earlier closes all sphincters because you don’t want to leave a trail and don’t have the time to “do your business” when your life's on the line!
Because your brain is a toddler in this mode; you are safe or unsafe.
So, how do you regulate your nervous system out of chronic or acute stress? The same way you regulate a toddler during a tantrum. The same way you release your hip flexors! Not by telling them to stop freaking out! That never works.
Instead, you employ opposing systems and guide yourself back to homeostasis. The parasympathetic nervous system. Your rest and digest mode. This is the mode humans are meant to spend more time in, where the parasympathetic nervous system is directing the show allowing you time to rest and digest.
In this week’s podcast episode I talk you through the #1 way you can help support staying grounded in the rest and digest mode and calm the toddler freak out meltdown mode.
And let me know how this works for you!
As always, I’ve got your back. I’ve got your front. And I’ve got your undercarriage.
Xo, Alissa