Last week we spoke to Co-founder and CEO of Evvy, Priyanka Jain about the BVC and the power of more deeply understanding the microbiome. She said a lot of things that have stuck with me, but the one that sticks the most is that “Vaginal health is mental health.”
So in today’s episode I am talking about what I have seen in myself and clients in regards to the power of the brain vagina connection (or BVC as I like to call it). AND I’m obviously linking this to improv comedy because duh! And the idea of playing to the top of your intelligence. I know this sounds coo coo bananas, but stick with me. As always, there is a method to the madness!
And I promise it won’t be all about postpartum or childbirth or my birth trauma. NOPE! We’re talking more about SEX today! ← And the answer is yes, I do sing original lyrics to part of Salt N Pepa’s Let’s Talk About Sex in the episode so go ahead and listen!
There is a lot of research to be done to connect the vaginal microbiome to mental health so we can know things about the Brain Vagina COnnection that we know about the Brain-Gut connection. But I’m SURE the proof will be in the pudding once we get the pudding.
What I DO KNOW from working with hundred, nay thousands of women and from BEING a woman is that when something is up with my vag, I’m freaking out. I may not be screaming and shouting and carrying on freaking out, but I am spiraling, obsessing, ruminating, internalizing all sorts of trash freaking out.
Not one person that I have worked with who comes to me with pelvic floor concerns doesn’t also bring with them mental and emotional concerns too.
IT IS VULNERABLE to feel out of control in your body. IT IS TENDER to open up about this. IT DOESN’T FEEL SAFE to share when something so intimate isn’t going right or hurts, or feels wrong.
And we internalize this to mean we are wrong. That something we are or are doing is wrong. And that snowballs into a big pile of fear, anxiety, shame, embarrassment, did I say fear??? We don’t feel safe when we don’t feel safe in our body.
This is true and I want more for you, for me, for all of us. That’s why I do all of this work, the podcast, this blog, Pilates For Your Privates, my shows Me Party & We Party, all of it because I believe we all deserve to feel safe, knowledgeable, and at home in our bodies. We deserve information and education to feel this way.
I’ve shared a LOT, too much? I don’t believe in TMI so def not too much, but a lot about my fourth degree tear and the physical and emotional toll that experience took on me, my family, and my mental health after the birth of my son.
Did you know I sang a song about this in We Party? I mean, we aren’t shocked that I sang about my rectovaginal birth and resulting Vaganus and we aren’t shocked that it’s hilarious, so go ahead and watch the clip here.
I will never minimize or negate the impact of that birth injury and it taught me the power of necessity of the brain, vagina connection. I was forced to connect with my deepest self in the deepest ways in order to heal and move forward. This brain vagina connection allowed me to feel confident getting pregnant again which I talked about two weeks ago which seemed to REALLY resonate with you. This post on IG got a lot of traction and seemed to really make you feel seen.
But we aren’t talking about birth trauma today. It’s going to be more…fun than that! I know what you’re thinking “Alissa! What’s more fun than birth trauma?!” I know, I know. But today we are talking about sex and BVC. ← Again, YES! I do sing a song about it inspired by Salt N’ Pepa AND I sing another original song about it at the END of the episode, so listen all the way through ok?!
So I’ve talked a lot about where your vagina is pointing and how this relates to our physical and energetic alignment and it makes me think of something Patti Stanger used to say on Millionaire Matchmaker. I don’t know the exact quote but she used to encourage her female clients to listen to their vaginas. Not give them away willy nilly but check in to how she feels about the situation. And I have always loved this. Because Patti wasn’t just saying “If you’re wet, that’s the answer.” It was more than that which we also know to be sound advice from Emily Nagoski’s brilliant book Come As You Are.
Patti was saying really to check in with your body, your intuition, your feminine spidey senses to get a reading on the situation.
This was probably the first seed that planted my obsession with writing letters to my vagina, which if you haven’t done this yet consider this a formal invitation. And also for my whole movement of knowing where your vagina is pointing. It’s not about this one female sex organ, it’s about connecting with and listening to your deep intuitive wisdom. Connecting with your body on a deeper level to help you move through the world in a more integrated way.
Our vaginas are for more than sex and babies. I’ve said it a couple of times in this episode and I’ve talked about it a lot in other episodes, articles, books I’ve written and it is a major player in Pilates For Your Privates which are workouts that address your pelvic floor but also works to deepen your connection to your own body. Your own experience inside your self. YOUR intuition.
And when you are connected to your fullest self this affects literally everything. Yes, it affects your sexual experiences and orgasms. Yes, it allows you to more confidently ask for what you want in the bedroom. AND it allows you to more confidently ask for what you need outside the bedroom. In your whole freaking life.
If you’re reading this and thinking “I'll have what she’s having” and this type of fluency and understanding of yourself and your body sounds good to you, I encourage you to check out my Pilates For Your Privates 5 day pelvic floor mini course. It’s a 5 day mini course (shocking based on the title) and takes maybe 7 minutes a day. So doable.
I also want to encourage you to check out YOUR Owner’s Manual. This is not a movement based practice, but a literal Owner’s manual for YOU. Because we never got one and if we had it would have been written by some colonial white dude who has never even heard of the clitoris. It’s a workbook/journal/manual that guides you to create an owner’s manual for YOU. Outlining how you work, what you need, how to maintain, prolong the longevity and performance of….YOU!
These two resources are the BEST place to begin to understand wtf is going on with your vag, your body, and your self.
One last reminder to listen to this week’s podcast episode. There are TWO original songs and TWO stories from my very limited sexscapades as a single 30 something in NYC and what my vagina was trying to tell me ;)
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that by connecting to your vag, you are connecting to your intuition and THIS is how you alter your life and make your dreams come true. I know because I did it. And I keep doing it. As my mom recently told me after watching We Party #thisismotherhood, “Alissa, you never settle. You never ever settle.” And she’s right.
As always, I’ve got your back. I’ve got your front. And I’ve got your undercarriage.
Xo, Alissa