How are you feeling? Really. Take a moment, maybe a breath, and check in with yourself. How do you feel right now?
If you know me, or have been here a while, you know that I am not great at slowing down. I’m more like the energizer bunny going going going on all cylinders at all times. I’m working on it and guess what? I’m making progress (more on this later this week).
What I want to share with you and invite you to join me with is slowing the fudge down until the end of the year. None of this only x number of days left to do everything you didn’t finish nonsense. If it’s not done, it’s not done. Other things took precedent. Other things ranked higher on the list. Other things were and are more important.
Like a little time with your bad self.
Again, if you know me, or have been here a while, you also know that my favorite thing besides dancing is being BY MYSELF. I’m an extrovert, but motherhood has changed this about me. I still love people and really want to get together IRL (wanna join me? Click here so we can hang IRL in February) AND I need time by myself to be with myself to reset.
I love being a mom and a partner AND I find it wholly overstimulating. I honestly find this is shifting now being in a house vs stuffed into an apartment, but it’s still true for me. I need silence, solitude, and time with myself, my thoughts, and my hilarious jokes to recharge.
I can’t argue with the brilliant lyrics of Gavin Degraw in his hit single I Don’t Wanna Be “Part of where I’m going is knowing where I’m coming from.” So I’m inviting you to join me and spend some time with yourself to reflect on this past year.
Christmas and Chanukah are over and the shortest day of the winter is behind us. The new year is this weekend followed by a few long, dark, months of cold weather (if you’re in the northeast/northern hemisphere that is). When it’s dark and we can’t see as well, our other senses heighten (this is why I love a candlelit shower). Let your less dominant senses take over and think about what’s happened this past year. What have you learned? What did you love? What did you hate? What served you? And what didn’t?
In this week’s podcast episode I reflect on thoughts I had over the course of the first trimester of this pregnancy. I don’t want to give anything away, but I will tell you a lot of my thoughts and feelings were filled with rage. I was real mad about a lot of things and I didn’t hide it. And in the episode I explain why I said no to being silenced and opted for suffering out loud instead. I also talk about facing my internalized fat-phobia and why it’s suddenly ok for me to be in a bigger body because I’m pregnant. This isn’t a belief that I came up with for myself. I don’t agree with this. These thoughts are not in my alignment, but they are inside me. And how admitting this, accepting it, and being curious has allowed me to move through and past it just like we need to do with our internalized racism, elitism, anti semitism, all the -isms.
LISTEN TO SILENCE, FAT-PHOBIA, AND SUFFERING OUT LOUD: THOUGHTS FROM THE FIRST TRIMESTER HERE!
And in order to get to know these parts of ourselves ad actually sort them out, get to know them, reorganize, etc we need to spend time with ourselves. In ourselves. BY OURSELVES. Which yes, is nearly impossible when your kids not in school and childcare is limited. Yet, when you close your eyes before you go to sleep you are with yourself, inside yourself, by yourself. And the next time you find yourself in this position — tonight perhaps? Or maybe in 30 minutes when you take a nap after reading this email and listening to this week’s podcast episode? — you can ask yourself “What do I believe?” And let me know how it goes! If you’re reading this in your inbox, reply! Or comment below! Or DM me! I love hearing from you.
And if you’re picking up what I’m laying down, share with a friend. Invite them to join us over here to Alter THEIR Lives too and make this place a little more aligned. Inside and out.
Xo, Alissa