WE PARTY #thisismotherhood is NEXT WEEK!!! In person & virtual tickets are still available! You don’t want to miss it!
Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.
Oof. Are you mad at me for saying that? And not even giving you a heads up? It’s ok, you are allowed to be mad at me. The first time I came across this statement felt like a slap in the face.
One that I needed and kind of loved. Because I’ve been in this place.
Early February 2015, my now ex-husband packed up his ski bag and one carry-on to go spend a month in Colorado to “find himself.” Our couple’s counselor had suggested we take the opportunity as a trial separation. Speak once a week and spend the rest of the time reflecting on ourselves, the marriage, what we want, and how we could move forward and repair what was broken. I thought this was a great idea because I needed the space. I need the time to try on NOT being married to him. He was compliant.
And as he prepared to leave for the airport, he left me a card to open on Valentine’s Day. I’d done nothing to prepare for the holiday nor his birthday later in the month.
I opened the card after he left the apartment, I held no romance or sentimentality about…anything at that time. I was shocked when I saw the following quote written inside the beautiful Papyrus card.
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald
I…laughed. I couldn’t believe it. The person who was telling me we were fine and happy and that I was just a broken person with no self esteem as a result of my successful theatrical career was…inviting me to start over? I think he meant it as a reset for us, but I’ll never know as I never saw him again. We had a handful of phone conversations to cover logistics of reassigning the cable bill and who would keep Walter (me, duh).
Now, when I see this quote I immediately think of that Valentine and the version of me who decided to become who I wanted to be. Who decided she deserved to feel things she’d never felt and be startled by the life she could create. The version of me who courageously chose to start over. And it really is never too late.
I seem to continue to start over and over and over and over again. And because I do it so much none of it feels like failure, which I think it’s supposed to feel like? It feels like growth and evolution. It feels like courageously advocating for myself. It feels like that relentless self care I talked about last week. It feels like I’m awesome at being honest with myself about wtf is going on, how I feel, exploring why things feel that way, and making adjustments as needed.
I pivot constantly. And fun fact, the pivot step is my favorite dance step. It’s true. Yes, with the extensive vocabulary of dance steps my mind and body have access to, the pivot step is my favorite. When I worked as an associate or assistant choreographer, I would work a pivot step into every show. I love them. The audience loves them. They are amazing.
Don’t know what a pivot step is? I got you. Duh.
You take a step forward with one foot. THEN instead of continuing forward you turn to face the other way! You literally PIVOT!
Surprise! Ugh. People go WILD for a pivot. And yet… ← you knew that was coming right?
Every time I pivot my mind is flooded with thoughts like…
…WTF are you doing???
…PICK A LANE DAMMIT!
…YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO KEEP CHANGING!!!
Of course I keep changing. 1) It’s literally my last name and 2) That’s what we are meant to do.
I’ll stop with the memes and the gifs now,but you’re welcome because these were so perfect.
This week’s podcast episode is about pivoting, belonging, and leaving things behind and is extra special because…this week’s episode is back on Myth of Motherhood! I’ve decided (because my vagina told me to) to pause Alter Your Life the podcast and return to Myth of Motherhood!
I couldn’t help it.
So give it a listen, a follow, a subscribe, a rating, a review, share it, and I hope you’re as wild about this pivot as I am.
LISTEN TO THIS WEEK’S EPISODE HERE.
Until next week remember, I’ve got your back. I’ve got your front. And I’ve got your undercarriage.
Xo, Alissa
WE PARTY #thisismotherhood is NEXT WEEK!!! In person & virtual tickets are still available! You don’t want to miss it!