I spent the first 30 years of my life doing everything “right”:
Married my college sweetheart
Moved to NYC and fulfilled my dream of a successful musical theater career
Toured the country with Broadway shows
Taught Pilates at the most respected gyms and studios
But truthfully…
I was in a marriage where I cared more for my dog than my spouse, a career that awarded me for being someone else, and helped thousands of people flatten their abs and lift their butts for their upcoming beach vacations.
No wonder I was miserable.
True to how women are shown to handle things, I ended up suffering in silence and cut myself off from the love and support of my family and friends.
(Don’t worry. I wound up divorcing my first husband and later found the love of my life.)
And maybe you know, or don’t know, or where there, or missed it, but I wrote, produced, and performed a one woman show about it! Watch one of my favorite clips here. Creating this show after filing for divorce was the first (of now many) times I actually stood up for myself, advocated for myself, and got wtf I wanted.
This was the moment I broke the cycle.
In order to change something, we have to do something different. I had to NOT be married to that person anymore, I had to STOP asking permission to perform and do it anyway, I had to LEAVE the traditional gym/studio pilates setting and teach what I’m passionate about and what matters to US.
And then I met Jeremy (yay!) and become a mother (yay!). I love both of these things AND society has a real narrow script on what this is supposed to look like and mean for me, right? I’m a wife and a mother now. I’m not my OWN person! Good god no! That would INSANE!
But I’d just had my ME Party where I reclaimed my autonomy, identity, and sovereignty! Now that it’s a WE party, does that all just…go away? Was it supposed to just go away? Am I a bad wife and mom because I’m still me?
Society and I have differing opinions here – I know you and I are on the same page though ;)
You’ve been here and witnessed the backlash of feeling like I’m being shoved back into a box of a specific role I’m supposed to play (good woman/good mom) and how I’m suffering out loud wherever I can to change this narrative and push back. And then I threw in a curve ball and doubled down on the whole mom thing. I’m now 5 months pregnant, bought a house in the burbs, and literally found myself the other day barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Jeremy and I had a good laugh at that.
And I’m still pushing back. I’m still suffering out loud. I’m still ME as this WE grows. And before I’m thrown back into the deep end of postpartum, wake windows, nipple cream, but no stitches in my b-hole (thank you elective cesarean) I am getting back on stage to to double down on that too.
In improv comedy, when you set a pattern, the first time you change a pattern it could be a fluke, the second time actually presents the very real possibility of a NEW pattern, then the third time it firmly establishes this NEW reality.
And that feels really accurate to where I am right now. Pregnant with another baby, pregnant with a second one woman show, and presenting a very real possibility of a new pattern.
SHOW INFO AND TICKETS AVAILABLE HERE – There are both in person and virtual ticket options.
Thursday, February 16, 2023 at 7pm at Greenroom 42 in the heart of NYC’s theater district.
And yes, I’m also talking about NEW PATTERNS in this week’s mini podcast episode where I talk about neuroplasticity when it comes to physical movement and emotional/mental health. And how YES I had a panic attack after we moved AND I didn’t fully dissociate! Proud of me! (This is new and a VERY big deal in healing PTSD). LISTEN HERE.
Xo, Alissa
Oh! And since I know I hate having to scroll up again, here is the link for show tickets!
I feel this. Going from WE to ME to WE/ME is tricky, but absolutely can be done! Go Alissa, go. You're awesome!