The first trimester sucked the life out of me, I think it's finally getting better...
Plus some exciting podcast updates!
Tomorrow I’m officially in my second trimester!!! What does this mean?
As a 38 year old woman who will be 39 at delivery, this greatly decreases my statistical probability of having a miscarriage.
I’m really proud of myself for being able to door floor work in my dance class last week. No video because I really couldn’t see myself doing the combo again! Remember? I said I did FLOOR WORK? I was tired.
I’ve been nicer to Jeremy recently and that will hopefully continue.
I feel less shitty though still shitty.
Why do I still feel shitty? Well because there is literally a parasite in my body who has shut down a lot of my immune system so I don’t reject it that has also hijacked my circulatory system, reproductive organs, and digestive system. I can literally FEEL how little vitality I have. I feel the LITERAL life force being siphoned away from me.
And I know, I’m not supposed to say this part because it’s so exciting and so great! And yes, that’s true. AND this shit is violent and pure sci-fi apocalyptic blockbuster movie material. And anyone reading this who has ever been pregnant knows exactly what I’m talking about. The bone crushing, life sucking, total depletion that comes with the beginning of pregnancy. It’s more than tired, it’s an internal coup.
I’ve been on a soap box of adding yourself to the list of things and people you take care of and I seriously have never felt more passionate about it. I’ve been experiencing how if I’m not ok, I not only can’t help anyone, but I make it worse for everyone. I’m like a dementor in Harry Potter. Do I feel bad about it? Yes and no.
I hate being mean to Jeremy. I hate being short with Everett. I hate being so negative and feeling like shit and I hate that anyone dares to have an expectation of me beyond me eating snacks and being horizontal! AND if I accept the reality that I’m running on empty (because my life force is very literally being siphoned to the baby), accurately and actively take care of myself, and put my needs high on my list of to dos, I can show up and not be a dementor.
Is this new information for any of us? Nope! Is this supercharged, heightened, higher stakes version of what we already know about “not being able to pour for an empty cup”? I think so!
During my pregnancy with Everett I saw a lot of parallels in my conflict in pregnancy (relinquishing control, a bigger body, handling other people’s opinions, etc) as lessons preparing me for motherhood. Each new stage and challenge was a lesson 101 in what was to come once the baby was born.
And I think it’s happening again.
I’ve never HAD a second pregnancy or second child so I’m drawing from my past experiences and what I’ve heard from hundreds, maybe thousands, of mothers who came before me. Having a second baby makes it nearly impossible to find time for, with, or by yourself. Everything you had for yourself previously now belongs to the new baby. And like pregnancy, I’m left with the dregs. Like the soggy, mostly chewed, but not eaten crust of a grilled cheese sandwich.
So this is my first lesson in being more purposeful and strategic as I care for myself. Because I will still need to be taken care of once I have two babies outside my body! THAT WILL NOT END WITH PREGNANCY! I WILL BE A NEWBORN TOO! ← I’m screaming so that we all hear me including me who will dissolve into a puddle of feeling like a failure when I have needs postpartum.
So that’s why I created YOUR Self-Care Menu, which also offers you MY Self-Care Menu. Because I know I’m not going to have the bandwidth to generate creative ideas when I’m elbow deep in lochia, tears, and night sweats.
And I know this is just the beginning of the changes, shifts, dar I say alterations(!!!) I’m going to be making in my life. So I’m also trying to be proactive. One of the ways I’m doing that is by altering the podcast!
You will still have a new episode to listen to each week! Don’t worry! We will alternate between full length episodes and mini episodes. The full length episodes will either be a conversation with someone amazing (I seriously CANNOT wait to share next week’s guest with you) or a full length solo episode with me!
And in between the mini episodes will give you a a 5-10 minute inspiration, guided movement (WHAT?!), or an answer to your questions! THat’s right, if you have a Q, comment below or reply to this email and you can have my A!
LISTEN TO YOUR FIRST MINI EPISODE HERE!
That was a lot of info. Does it even make sense? I don’t effing know, I’m tired! Whether or not it makes sense, make sure to subscribe or follow the podcast so you don’t miss your weekly dose of ME in your ears.
Oh! And feel free to share with a friend.
OK, time for a snack and a nap! I hope you find a moment to do the same (or equivalent) for, by, and with yourself.
As always, I’ve got your back. I’ve got your front. And I’ve got your undercarriage.
Xo, Alissa
I’ve just listened to this mini podcast and sent to my sister. I absolutely love the ideas. I can’t find the link to the pdf though? xx
Thank you so much!