You just have to get through it the first few times. Then it gets better.
You probably assume I’m talking about a spin class. Or running.
Maybe this brings to mind eating oysters for the first time.
Or driving a stick shift.
I’m talking about sex. And not just postpartum sex. Which I wrote all about here and talk about here.
I don’t remember who said it first, but I went into my first sexual experience with the knowledge that it was going to hurt. And that I'd probably bleed.
Right? Because I was a virgin.
I thought maybe since I was a dancer I wouldn’t bleed as much? I didn’t really understand the whole Hymen thing.
But I knew it was going to hurt. Because everyone said so! So I had no expectation of pleasure. I mean, I was hoping to not bleed!!!! Blood=pain as I’d learned from my extraordinarily painful periods that often kept me out of school.
And after having a baby I heard the same advice, “You just have to get through it, then it’s fine.”
At this point in my life, I’m not looking to “Get through” sex with my husband and I don’t want it to be fine. I don’t want pain. I don’t want fine. I want so much more than that. And if you do too, you may want to go ahead and click here…
As women we are conditioned to accept so little.
If you can wear a pad, it’s fine that you pee your pants regularly.
Sex is for your partner anyway so your pleasure doesn’t matter. Just get through it before you get to the next thing.
Each time you get a stomach bug, you shit yourself because your butthole tore in childbirth.
Just me?
It’s def me. A stomach thing went around our family again recently and I thought I had to fart…it wasn’t a fart. And thankfully I was wearing thinx because I would have literally pooped in our bed. In. The. Bed.
Fear not, this won’t go on to be a reliving of this experience. This is about transcending stomach bugs and not settling.
You know that I have no filter, I don’t believe in TMI, I talk about my birth injury and IBS constantly. AND I am human. I have feelings. This was upsetting and humiliating.
It never feels good to not be able to trust your body.
It never feels safe to not feel safe in your body.
And yet, we are conditioned to accept insecurity in our bodies. In fact, we are taught to be insecure in our bodies.
Because if we are secure and comfortable in and with our bodies, the world will have to do the same.
That’s what I’m working on. Which is why after the “incident” I made an appointment with Dr. Allison Polland. You may remember her as a recent guest on the podcast. I refuse to feel unsafe in my body. I refuse to not trust myself and my body. I refuse to stay insecure.
I will not tolerate or accept anything less than extraordinary with and in my body ever again!
She helped me understand my body more deeply and how I can best care for myself as time marches on. And guess what?! Everything is actually in tip top shape hooray!
A lot of recent themes, episodes, topics, and ideas are coming together right now which makes it feel especially aligned and downright awesome to share this week’s podcast episode with you. I had the HONOR and PLEASURE of hanging out with Emily Sauer the founder and genius behind the OhNut which you’ve heard me talk about before.
OhNut was born from Emily’s experiences with painful sex, not trusting, feeling unsafe, and being at war with her body. Most specifically her undercarriage. This conversation made me cry twice and deepens my desire to facilitate peace and understanding with ourselves.
And learn more about OhNut here! Use the code ALISSA7 to save $ and go deeper with yourself without going too deep ;)
My recent mishap, this conversation with Emily, and some other things too, have inspired me to get back to basics, to check in with my foundation, to go to the source and make sure I’m really operating with the balance and integrity I need to go the extra mile. That’s right! I’m talking about the pelvic floor!
And guess what…I’m inviting you to join me in my FREE 5-DAY PELVIC FLOOR CHALLENGE!
What is it? I’d love to tell you!
A Free 5-day challenge in your (in)box to learn about your pelvic floor, why you have it, and how to use it
A daily email with a video + an action item for the day that takes 5 mins or less
Your chance to discover, revisit, or reinforce movement patterns that support your body and your pelvic floor
So much effing fun
This is appropriate for you and your body if you’re pregnant or postpartum or have a pelvic floor (spoiler alert: we ALL have a pelvic floor!
Click here to sign up and I’ll meet you in your (in)box starting Monday, October 31st!
Halloween felt like the perfect date because sometimes taking the leap to face our vulvas can be…a thriller!
Here’s the link again and I can’t wait to see you there! And feel free to share this post with a friend and invite them to join us on our quest for stronger muscles, better sex, and confident sneezes!
As always, I’ve got your back. I’ve got your front. And I’ve got your undercarriage.
Xo, Alissa
DATE CORRECTION! Challenge starts MONDAY, OCTOBER 24TH!!!!!!!!